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Monthly Archives: September 2011

Went to a country Agricultural Show on the weekend and read this unintentionally funny sign over the Pig Exhibit:

“Pigs are the fourth most intelligent species on the planet after humans, apes, dolphins and whales”.

Noting the counting error in the above information I suspect the signage might have been prepared by a less intelligent differently intelligented species than those listed; or maybe an ungulate outside the Top 4 with a trotter axe to grind about not cracking the elite. That would be a P retty I nsightful G uess

As to the actual information contained in the signage, uproar descended on the show as Octopi demanded a recount and inclusion in the prestigious Top 5.

Which has led to Simon Cowell producing “IQ Idol” to determine the species most popularly considered “most intelligent”. Its five weeks before Grand Final and the remaining contestants ar: Xyloryctes Jamaicensis (Beetle), Paigene Englosaxen ALP Focus Group Member from Lindsay in Western Sydney (Human), Enteroctopus Dofleini (Octopus), Sus Scrofa Domesticus (Pig) and Balaenoptera Musculus (Whale); Dolphin having been controversially eliminated as Beetles flooded the voting lines to get their representative over the line. Over to you Simon:

Simon: Species: Who or what is the Prime Minister Of Australia ?
Paigene: As if I care. I’m goin’ home to feed me Pit Bulls and collect me Centrelink.
Balaenoptera: Crrrooooo-aaaaaaaaa-wheeee-sss-WHARK WHARK WHARK oooooo WOO CLICK CLICK srrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeee-aaaaaaaaaaaaa WHARK etc etc…
(17 mins later)….
…. CLICK CLICK WHARK WHARK
Scrofa: He always say that. As to the PM can I eat its intestines?
Dofleini: Please do not bother me with inane questions. I am plotting world domination and don’t have the time.
Paigene: Aargh! What’s that horrid thingy! SQELCH!!!
Simon. And so Beetle cannot contest the semi-finals due to a sudden unforeseen illness. We’ll give that one to Octopus.
Audience: Boo!
Simon: Species: What is the most efficient way to catch and consume krill ?
Paigene: Flamin’ rigged mate. Spewin.
Scrofa: Do they have intestines ?
Dofleini: Krill? So dull. With a nicely chilled Sauvignon Blanc it could be palatable.
Baleanopetra: (Vey excited) WHARK WHARK WHARK oooooo WOO CLICK CLICK srrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeee-aaaaaaaaaaaaa WHARK etc
(2 Hours Later)…
CLICK whoooo whooo whooo WHARK AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRKKKKK CLICK!!!!!!
Simon: The question specifically said ‘efficient’. That’s two for Octopus.

Come back after the break for more IQ Idol.