Western Sydney Demands Fairness
Tuned into The Drum tonight and heard Miranda Devine describing how the voters of Western Sydney feel misunderstood. Miranda helpfully explained (see vid from 25:45) that the voters of Lindsay and Greenway are not xenophobes and are in NO WAY tuning into Scott Morrison’s nasty dog-whistles.
Its just that asylum seekers get reams of welfare payments and Lindsay focus group participants do not. Its unfair. Unjust. Hurtful. Or as Tony Jones put it in an advert for Q&A, ‘In the Western Suburbs no one can hear you scream’.
How To Get As Much Free Stuff As An Asylum Seeker
Miranda and Lindsay can rest assured that the Australian government is committed to equity in the administration of welfare. To get as much free stuff as an asylum seeker you simply need to qualify as an asylum seeker. So first step, renounce your Australian citizenship, emigrate to Oruzgun province Afghanistan and become a Shia Muslim.
Your Taliban neighbours, who are genocidal maniacs, will then try to kill you. You may find yourself decapitated and lying in a ditch like these unfortunate 11 individuals found by an Australian Army patrol some time back, but maybe not. Soon ethnic Kuchi Sunni tribesman will turn up. They will be heavily armed and demand all your property. Never mind negotiating. They will take everything you own, all your flocks, land etc. then they will burn down your house and perhaps rape and/or kill you or several/all members of your family. If you again survive you may decide to become an asylum seeker. Congratulations! This is your first step to procedural equity.
Do not bother to apply for an Australian Visa in Kabul on your way out. Its location is kept secret for security reasons and it does not issue visas anyway. Scott Morrison will later ask you why you do not have a visa and describe you as an illegal. This is not personal. You just are.
Next you must escape through the rest of Afghanistan and Pakistan, also populated by genocidal maniacs. At any time you may be gunned down at a bus stop or perhaps merely kidnapped and have your eyeballs gouged out. Don’t worry, fabulous wealth awaits.
If you survive this you must then travel the thousands of kilometres overland to Indonesia. I’m sure you will find a way. In Indonesia, wait for an indeterminate length of time, do not pass customs, give all your remaining money to a people smuggler and board a horrifically crowded, unsanitary and unsafe fishing boat to cross the Timor Sea. You may or may not make it. C’est la vie!
If you do make it you may well be sent to Manus or Nauru Island for about five years for reasons of fairness to other refugees. Mental illness may help you while away the hours.
Once in Australia you will receive exactly $0 in welfare. After six months this increases to approximately $200 per week. After you have been recognised as a genuine refugee, after a long and highly scrutinized process, you are then entitled to the same Centrelink, schooling and health benefits as anyone else. No more, no less.
Yes, you may receive a household goods package worth about $10,000 while your claim is being processed but you can’t keep that stuff. It goes to the next family after you. Same with some temporary health care benefits during that phase too.
Congrats. You have now been treated as well as an asylum seeker.
One more thing. Do not speak English. As an asylum seeker you must obtain employment in a radically different language that you have never learnt before. Try Korean. Writing it is fun too.
Joe Hockey Says You Are Getting Too Much
Miranda, while empathizing with the pain of the Western Sydney voter, may also need to explain that Joe Hockey thinks you are getting far too much rather than not enough. Quite likely he’ll be the next Treasurer. Unless you vote Labor. Or Green.
So, What’s Scott On About Then ?
Miranda and Lindsay et. al. might also like to encourage Scott to pull in his dog-whistle. It appears no-one is listening. Scott is just missing the point when he describes asylum-seekers as parasitical, cunning, manipulative, violent, diseased, invasive criminals, who cause societal discohesion and overload public services and are unable to conform to respectable public behaviour without a system of local supervision by decent citizens. It is disgaceful that they should be assisted to attend the funerals of their parents.
Similarly other Coalition members are just talking to themselves when they claim asylum-seekers are a societal cancer similar to narcotics and not completely distinguishable from sexual predators.
Plainly all that is just WASTED in the Lindsay Focus Group.
Is Scott aware ?